All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
