i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
