i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
