I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
