no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
