you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
