Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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