i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
