don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
