Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
