I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
