i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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