well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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