All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You are the jesus of drinking
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
