just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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