I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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