I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
