you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
