No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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