I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
