My friends, they love my intelligence
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize