8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
