you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
being pregnant is like rehab
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
