wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
