youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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