So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
