Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
