I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
