i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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