Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
