she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
