This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
