just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
