Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
