all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Let's paint friendship bongs
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
