is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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