omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
