i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
