i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
