So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
