Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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