also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
