I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
