How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We have so much sex to catch up on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
