I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
