Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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