I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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