the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize