is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fuck me I smell like cheese
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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