"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i've created a new STD.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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