I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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