My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
