I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
