Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
