my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
