He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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