I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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