i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
