The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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