At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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