dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
